Dumb and Dumber

This is gold. Two hand-cuffed men fleeing from a New Zealand court-house had their escape plan foiled by a lamp post when they ran by either side of it.

Not able to comprehend simple laws of physics the men apparently expected the lamp-post to slice in half as they ran by it.

If I were the judge I would have made the two share the same cell as part of their sentence, lol.

Two men survived at sea in a giant esky

This is a true story, though it sounds like the plot for a joke! Two men were rescued from sea after surviving in a giant esky for 25 days when their fishing boat sank.

When asked what went through their mind when they realised their fishing boat was sinking they said their first thought was "Save the beer!!".

The men said they survived the past 25 days mostly by keeping up their liquids and eating the occasional shark that wanted to pick a fight with them. They said one of the sharks was "this big". When asked how they passed the time they said they were kept occupied by chatting up the local mermaids.

The two men are being charged for navigating a vessel with a blood alcohol content 3 times over the legal limit.

New Years Resolutions

Happy New Year everyone! So have you all worked out your resolutions for the year ahead? Yeah I know it's dumb - you never end up achieving what you set out to do, do you? Well this year I've decided rather than privately setting some goals I'll publicly announce what I aim to achieve for the new year, so that way I have more pressure and motivation to actively work on my goals because if I fail I'll look quite the fool in front of my peers.

So here they are:

• Lose 5 kilos.
• Write and sell a useful iPhone application that helps organise people's busy lives and making me dozens of dollars. I'll be a dozenaire!
• Lose 10 additional kilos.
• Win a second prize in a beauty pageant, collect $10.
• Discover people are idiots: write and sell another iPhone application that uses numerology to tell you if you and your pet are compatible, making me ten thousands of dozens of dollars.
• Pay off mortgage.
• Get a bigger mortgage.
• Develop a 6-pack.
• Develop 2 more pack thingies, totaling an 8 pack.
• Develop my peck muscles enough that I can flex them in time to the Can Can music.
• Develop them more so I can use them to play the drums in Rock Band.
• Screw all this exercise crap and get a robot body so I don't have to use my own muscles all the damn time (plus a robot body would keep beat better).
• Win Nobel Peace Prize for discovering the 12th dimension. Much to the worlds surprise I'll find it at the bottom of my socks and undies drawer (no doubt where my socks keep disappearing to).
• Create a giant robotic fortress on legs, like in that crappy movie Wild Wild West or like the giant crab-shaped mobile oppression palace in that one episode of Futurama. I'll build it out of Lego.
• Become the first cybernetic King of Earth - Obama, eat your heart out!

What the hell, if I'm not going to achieve my new year resolutions, I may as well not achieve big ones!