Happy New Year everyone! So have you all worked out your resolutions for the year ahead? Yeah I know it's dumb - you never end up achieving what you set out to do, do you? Well this year I've decided rather than privately setting some goals I'll publicly announce what I aim to achieve for the new year, so that way I have more pressure and motivation to actively work on my goals because if I fail I'll look quite the fool in front of my peers.
So here they are:
- Lose 5 kilos.
- Write and sell a useful iPhone application that helps organise people's busy lives and making me dozens of dollars. I'll be a dozenaire!
- Lose 10 additional kilos.
- Win a second prize in a beauty pageant, collect $10.
- Discover people are idiots: write and sell another iPhone application that uses numerology to tell you if you and your pet are compatible, making me ten thousands of dozens of dollars.
- Pay off mortgage.
- Get a bigger mortgage.
- Develop a 6-pack.
- Develop 2 more pack thingies, totaling an 8 pack.
- Develop my peck muscles enough that I can flex them in time to the Can Can music.
- Develop them more so I can use them to play the drums in Rock Band.
- Screw all this exercise crap and get a robot body so I don't have to use my own muscles all the damn time (plus a robot body would keep beat better).
- Win Nobel Peace Prize for discovering the 12th dimension. Much to the worlds surprise I'll find it at the bottom of my socks and undies drawer (no doubt where my socks keep disappearing to).
- Create a giant robotic fortress on legs, like in that crappy movie Wild Wild West or like the giant crab-shaped mobile oppression palace in that one episode of Futurama. I'll build it out of Lego.
- Become the first cybernetic King of Earth - Obama, eat your heart out!
What the hell, if I'm not going to achieve my new year resolutions, I may as well not achieve big ones!
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